neither am I

his voice rings through
my mind
like a gun shot
stuck on repeat
for minutes
for days
for years

fade out
to a false memory
something sunburnt
and sick
savage and seductive

fade in
to the true mirage
sticky and smelling
of yesterdays
swollen pride
and forgotten truths

he is no longer

neither am I
neither am I

ten seconds

She recalls those ten seconds in slow motion. Then again, sped up, to feel them rush against her cheeks. a strong breeze on a late summer day. The kind that is inherently known. Instinctual. But can rush up to the front of consciousness and become bewildering in an instant.   

And you count on

And you count on

the darkness

the depression

the green glass monsters lying there

used and abused and loved

in that awful honest way

drunk on words

from forever always

or not so long ago

self pity near

fully realized

less the razor blade

less the rough real stuff

less the full commitment

which you know

you never do